Saturday Sentiments #1: What should I really do this time?

Another Monday, another start of the week. But here I am, in the comforts of my home, avoiding the hustle and bustle and running down on traffic and early morning stress in Manila. It’s been seven months since I graduated from college. Still, unemployed.

I may be active in updating my social links before this post, but now, I am left with the confusion and pressure as to what I really want to do. Seems like I am just doing things in routine, no different from a person going to his work today. I feel like everything is just forced or instigated on me.

I never thought I’d be in this position. Knowing myself, I had everything laid out and planned. I was so sure that I could be able to help my parents by having an office job. But my enthusiasm for employment is just wearing out. Also, the thought of me being my own boss does not appeal to me like before. I never knew this is how emptiness feels like. You’re tired even though you have nothing to do, you don’t know how to cheer yourself up.

As I am writing this last paragraph, my eyes wet in tears because I remembered the past seven months. Did I lack confidence? Was I not enough? Why do people reject me? Do I even deserve anything? Did I receive too much rejection that even I discourage myself? These are the questions I have in my mind right now. To be honest, I am totally scared with what answers I am going to get from them.